The Attack Of The House Elves
by Devilzzz
Summary: My sixth INSANE LABELED FIC. Hermione sneaks out one night to the kitchens to runaway with the house elves, but things go terrible wrong when she meets Tubby, an anger and love for socks...


The Attack Of The House Elves ========================  
  
Disclaimer: HP belongs to Joanne Kathleen Rowling. I own the plot. Summary: Hermione sneaks one night into the kitchens, trying to help the house elves runaway...however, something unexpected happens....  
  
PARODY PEOPLE!!!!  
  
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She checked the tiny muggle watch on her wrist rapidly, and waited for snores and soft sighs to fill her dorms. Pavarti and Lavander and Carrie were surely asleep by now. She tip toed in her red slippers, and pushed her bushy hair out of the way. Hermione Granger, tonight, was going to do the unimaginable. She was going to free the African Americans out of slavery...woops, I mean, house elves. Right. House elves. She was going to free them, running away with them in the underground railroad...er - the dungeons.  
  
Finally, as the last snore of Pavarti repeated, Hermione once again began to tip toe.  
  
"Hehehehe," she cackled. "Oh wait, I'm doing good, not evil."  
  
She smiled. It was the perfect plan. She had her materials: cotton balls, socks, and shiny objects to lure the house elves. She also had her wand, to put Crucio on them if they refused, and some extra lemons because...well, they made her bosom look bigger!  
  
As she succeeded in going downstairs, she stepped out of the potrait hole.  
  
"Hey! Hey! Who's there! Who's there! I've got an artificial apple painted near me, and I'm not afraid to use it, sucker!" Fat Lady's voice went sleepily. Hermione cackled once more, running downstairs, and down...and down....  
6 minutes later  
  
and down...and down....  
10 minutes later  
  
She had arrived! She tickled the pear in the painting, and the door to the kitchen opened, leading into pure darkness.  
  
"Hello? Hello? House elves, come to me! House elves, come to me! Come to me, I will set you free! House elves come to me!" she chanted, her arms waving about. There was pure silence. Hermione tried again, this time, taking out a sock.  
  
"House elves, come to me! Come to me, baby, come on, house elf, come on, I have a sockiiieee for you..." she cooed.  
  
A big pair of green eyes met hers.  
  
"You have sock for Tubby?"  
  
Hermione nodded, waving the sock seductively.  
  
"Yes, baby, come here, I have sock! I HAVE SOCK!"  
  
"Tubby like sock...but..." the house elf's eyes darted around suspiciously.  
  
"But? Tubby, come on, Tub!"  
  
"DON'T CALL ME TUB! TUBBY DON'T LIKE NICKNAMES! TUBBY GETS ANGRY, VERY VERY ANGRY!"  
  
Hermione backed away. "Please, Tubby, I was..."  
  
"NO! NO SORRY! NO PLEASE! TUBBY WANT SOCK! TUBBY DON'T LIKE YOU. GET HER!"  
  
Suddenly, an explosion occured. Thousands of house elves emerged from beneath corners, under chairs, tables, fruits, vegetables, and even from a cabinet.  
  
"GET HER!" Tubby repeated. The house elves came toward Hermione dangerously.  
  
"No! No, please," she moaned, protesting.  
  
"Please! Tubby, please! NO! Dobby, not the pans!" speaking to a wide eyed house elf friend that was aiming at her with a pan.  
  
"I CAN CHANGE! I CAN CHANGE, PLEASE LET ME CHANGE!" she said, taking the lemons out of her robes and throwing it at the house elves at a poor attempt. She took her wand out too, but Tubby and Dobby seized it and pointed it at her.  
  
The other house elves watched.  
  
And watched....  
  
And watched...  
  
7 minutes later  
  
Tubby threw the wand at Hermione's massive afro-like hair.  
  
"AHHHHH!" all the house elves screamed, jumping up and down and going crazy. They began to attack Hermione with sponges and soap, fruits and vegetables, cakes and pumpkin juice, and even with their socks.  
  
They got her materials, cotton balls, socks, and threw them at her until she was drowning in pumpkin juice and drenched in cotton balls and socks.  
  
Was she alive?  
  
Tubby leaned forward into her face. Suddenly, her hand reached out and choked Tubby fiercly.  
  
"AH NO PLEASE!" he cried, his eyes askew as the choking ensued.  
  
"You stupid Tubby! Stupid Tubby! Stupid..." her voice faded, and Tubby collapsed beside her, his eyes closed. Her eyes fluttered closed, and there they lie, a bushy haired girl in nightgown drenched in orange and and sock in the hair, and Tubby resting, with his pillowcase over his small body wrinkled, one foot in the air, wearing Hermione's sock...  
  
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Author's Note: Uh...yeah.... 


End file.
